The Top Ten . . . Stupid Questions from the ADD clue-free

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
Another post in the Walking A Mile in Another’s Shoes Series

Stupid questions are those I find impossible to answer at all because the truthful response would be unkind, 
and I really do try my darndest not to be
(to my own detriment, more’s the pity!)

For the record . . .

Any time anybody asks questions like the ones below, I always need to stifle a response something along the lines of the following:

• “Is that a real question or yet another indictment with a question mark at the end of it?”

• “If you have to ask the question you’ll never understand the answer.”

• “What part of ‘ADD Poster Girl’ don’t you GET?”

BTW – the questions below were actually put to me in words very close to what you see here.
(You KNOW who you are – and I still love you anyway!)

1. Do you have to talk to yourself when you do things?
2. Did you ever think about putting your keys on a hook by the door?
3. Is there a reason you left the car lights on and the door open?
4. When are you gonna’ learn to turn the lights off when you leave the room?
5. HOW can a grown woman misplace a full coffee cup four times in one morning?
6. Well, how much longer do you think you’ll be?
7. To figure the tip all you have to do is double the tax — how hard is that?
8. You’re not going to leave the Christmas Tree up all year, are you?
9. How can you spend FOUR hours grocery shopping?  What do you DO in there?
   
10. And my VERY favorite stupid question of all time: WHY ARE YOU LATE?

If you ARE one of those ADD clue-free folk
(and don’t want to be)

Grab your ADDer and read the list above, using whatever tone of voice you would use if you were inspired to ask the very same question. (Tell them it’s an internet list first so they don’t think you’re “scolding” THEM)

Chuckle along, even if you don’t GET what’s so funny — then ask for their feedback about some of the ones they found the funniest.

• YOU pick – one or two of the ones they laughed at.  
• If you ask them to choose, you’ve just shot the conversation in the foot!

If you listen with the goal of understanding how things work in their hearts, brains and bodies, it might turn out to be the BEST conversation you’ve ever had with them!

Turn-about is Fair Play

By the way – once THEY’VE felt heard and accepted, then (and only then), you can turn the tables.  Gently.

• START by acknowledging that you really appreciated hearing how it is for them.
• THEN you can add how it is for you – lightly – laughing as you explain the reasons why you say some of the things you say.
• Cap it off by SAYING that you never intended to hurt their feelings or make them feel stupid – apologize and ask them to forgive you, and WAIT . . . FOR . . .  IT. . . .
• Whatever you do, don’t brush off their “forgiveness,” especially if it’s the “mumbled” kind.  Forgiveness is a gift that ADDers give easily and LOVE to give. V-e-r-y healing for both parties.

PRESTO CHANGE-O.  You will have taken a HUGE step toward the relationship of both your dreams.  Don’t stop now!

#11-and-beyond?

YOU PLAY TOO: Once you’ve read “About the Top Tens” (or even if you haven’t), use the comments section below to keep adding to this list. Make sure you ADD something – don’t “ditto” — and don’t invalidate anyone else’s world view, please.

ALSO, don’t get hooked on the “TOP” Ten part – whatever pops into your brain probably qualifies.

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Related Content here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com

• Brain-based Coaching with Madelyn Griffith-Haynie

• Other posts in the Walking A Mile in Another’s Shoes Series of Articles
• List of the OTHER Top Ten Lists (and counting)

ADD perspective in a humorous vein

• Happy New Year’s Resolution to YOU
• If I Should Die
• Life in the Now Lane

Related Articles ’round the ‘net

• Amanda’s Top Ten Things – a whole SITE of clever Top Tens – NEW
• 10 Things High School Teachers Should Know about ADD/ADHD
• This is a list of the ten best tips for appearing smarter than you are with minimum effort. (eagleman6788.wordpress.com)

BY THE WAY: Since ADDandSoMuchMore.com is an Evergreen Site, I revisit all my content periodically to update links — when you link back, like, comment (or follow), you STAY on the page. When you do not, you run a high risk of getting replaced by a site with a more generous come-from.