STOP Judging Purse-dogs!

Unless you also DRAG your little kids
(in which case, I have judgment about YOU!)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Tiny dogs have tiny legs (duh!)

It recently took a great deal of will-power to over-ride my impulse to smack a college student who [loudly] opined to his friends, as they passed me during a walk with my brand new teeny-tiny puppy, that “some people” needed to let their dogs out of their “purses” to walk for themselves.

I am full-grown, tall and have long legs.

My little Shih Tzu pup is about three months old, weighs less than five pounds, and has legs that are less than three inches long.

While he needs (and seems to adore) the exercise he gets trotting along beside me on our walks, the amount of time he is able to keep up without exhaustion is limited.

Humans can’t trot alongside horses for very long either!

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Get OVER your judgmental selves!

  • Did it even occur to that particular smart-a$$ that, perhaps, my dog had been “walking for himself” and was plum tuckered out before we could get back home?
  • Would he and his snarky, opinionated, sniggering friends have liked it better if I had been dragging a panting, exhausted pup behind me?
  • I guess they also failed to notice that the small carrier slung across my body with a strap was NOT, in fact, a purse, but an attractive dog carrier designed for dog-KINDNESS, not cruelty.

Let’s think through this logically

Does the following point ever occur to the not-at-all-humorous individuals who make internet comments and pin quotes about “ridiculous” purse-dogs:

People who take their tiny dogs with them as they go about the daily to-dos outside their homes are actually BETTER “dog-guardians” than those who leave them home alone (and then punish the poor things when they get bored and attempt to amuse themselves in ways that are against the house-rules?).

Do we “little dog” folks judge those of you who prefer BIG dogs?  (well, not to your face, anyway – so think about THAT the next time you are tempted to open your mouths in judgment!)

We understand without explanation that bigger dogs present bigger challenges where road trips are concerned, challenges that those of us with tiny dogs believe we’re lucky not to have to think about – only ONE of many reasons we choose tiny dogs, by the none-of-your-business way.

I’ll bet that more than a few big-dog owners who leave their dogs crated at home for hours on end (because they don’t have an easy option for taking them along), would probably LOVE a solution that would allow them to expose their furry friends to more stimulation from the outside world —  as well as allowing a return to a house in that is NOT in shambles!

Click for Source: everydaylife.globalpost

Even BIGGER parental problems

Parents of special needs children will be able to empathize immediately.  They have been at the receiving end of unthinking judgments practically every time they have exposed their children to the outside world.

SO MANY PEOPLE fail to realize that “easy” neuro-typical children are NOT simply a product of anybody’s amazing parenting style, one that the poor parents struggling with their neuro-atypical children need only to adopt to have a child who “behaves” in public.

Hey guys – your kids behave because they have brains that respond to typical parenting advice.

You would probably explode (or implode) if, for even ONE DAY, you had to jump through the hoops that the parent you are judging has lived with 24/7 since the child was very young.

So try to remember, when you are tempted to judge another:

YOU don’t walk in their shoes!
And THEY don’t need your advice or appreciate your comments!

The ONLY things they want from you are what you would want from them, were you in their shoes:

  1. an empathetic smile, and
  2. just a little bit of patience and some attempt at understanding.

And don’t be surprised, by the way, if I DO smack the livin’ daylights out of the next person who opines in a manner that seems to imply that they know better what my little pup needs than I do!


In any case . . .
as long as these articles and this blog exists,
you are invited to dump YOUR Monday grumps and gripes
in the comment section below each of my own – related or NOT.

As long as you don’t make individual people wrong, and do your best to avoid the dreaded “should” word, I will approve all comers (link-spammers shot on sight, however).

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About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

7 Responses to STOP Judging Purse-dogs!

  1. Pingback: Homepage

    • How much fun it is to see an older article linked to something on another site. I think this is the first for anything in the Monday Grumpy Monday series.

      I am approving and responding before visiting the link, but I am eager to visit your site to see which idea in the article appealed to you: the part about empathy for the dogs & owners, or “misbehaving” child & parent – or perhaps “simply” the idea of reserving judgment and extending empathy itself.

      In any case, thank you VERY much.
      UPDATE: Sadly, I got a “site not found” error when I clicked to visit.


  2. wendy says:

    OK…I tried to leave a comment last night…wrote this long thing, of course, and it wouldn’t let me….I lost everything I said. About how I abhor it when people don’t pick up their doggies when they are walking on hot pavement, and when they leave then locked in automobiles! Of course, I said much more.

    and my big gripe of the week. Doctors prescribing medication without thinking about consequences. Have you ever had a doctor ask you…how often have you been on steroids, when they have prescribed them? How about antibiotics? We all know they prescribe antibiotics too much. Yet, I still know so many people who will run to the doctor to get them at every sniffle…and the doctor will give them to them! ugh! I’m seeing a new general doctor tomorrow, these are the kind of things I will be asking her…what are her views on these things?

    so…you want me to come and knock some sense into those people who are prejudiced against people carrying their dogs? What if your dog was paralyzed? They don’t know!! I’ve known a couple of people who have had dogs who couldn’t walk. They had little doggie wheel chairs. They don’t know!

    Now…let’s see if it will let me post….


    • The lack of thinking makes us BOTH crazy!

      Speaking of thinking – what were they WordPress geniuses *thinking* when they decided to change the comment response interface? So I am now going to hit “send” and see where this goes before responding further. (what ever happened to “appprove and reply?”) — dumbing down & reducing words in favor of some kind of odd “expediency” or “simplification” is a REALLY dumb move, brain-wise.
      SURPRISE! Once I figured out how to get there without the prompt that USED to be there for me to click on, it went right where it was supposed to go. I love having my agenda co opted by an experiment in HOW to do what I set out to do!!!! N.O.T.

      I won’t repeat a former grump here, just consider it escalated AGAIN! See: Is technology “improving” itself beyond usability?
      Back on topic: Doctors who don’t take a medication HISTORY – especially current usage to avoid drug interaction complications (or WORSE) – are all too common, unfortunately.

      Then they wonder, as a field, why their liability insurance continues to escalate.

      In the past, I carefully prepared my own meds history, took it to a new doctor, who stuck it in my file without even glancing at it! And I was THERE for a prescription (which that doc wrote, btw). Who I was then simply took the script gratefully, sans comment.

      Who I am NOW would go back in time with TWO copies and say, with only a trace of an edge, “I guess you left your reading glasses at home. I want you to HAVE this information or I wouldn’t have used minutes of my life preparing it for you – so let’s start by my reading it TO you.”)

      I am so TIRED of patients having to fight for decent care. It’s not OUR job to research possible drug interactions – or to even ask a targeted question like, “How will this impact or interact with what I am already taking? Will there be a problem with the frequency of former prescriptions? How familiar are you with this medication you are prescribing?” — but if we don’t, it might not be considered at all.

      And yet, I blame the insurance industry for this, almost MORE than the doctors. Disgraceful, short-term ONLY, capitalistic policies that have nothing to do with pubic HEALTH.

      Tink’s vet is more thorough than ANY doctor I have ever gone to myself. ‘Sup with THAT?! (No wonder vet school is tougher to get into than med school – they actually expect their grads to be able – and willing – to DO THEIR JOBs!)

      I feel the need to add that my current psychopharm is EXCELLENT – stays current and knows meds and interactions – and will explain her advice as to “why this and not that”

      Peggy had ONE ob/gyn that was super and one that stank. Her son Jeremy’s shrink was HORRIBLE (I have no problem using the “M” word* over his refusal to work J. in, following THREE calls, as the psychosis that led to his death escalated).

      Good luck with your new doc – stand your ground. TELL her what you expect – THAN ask her if she believes she will be able to DO that!


      • wendy says:

        Well, we do have to wonder what the heck WordPress is thinking half the time. Oh, they probably aren’t, I realize that. and I’m married to a computer programer…he is one to say the same thing…most computer people don’t think…get the product out there and worry about the problems later. He hates the mentality. Why he loves his new job, they don’t think like that. He loves the culture where he works. They are wonderful there. They listen to him, when he says it will take at least this ___ long, they listen. Wow.

        I do expect more from my doctors….but unfortunately I don’t often get it. Sad huh?
        I had a good general doctor back in Raleigh, and she was a PA. But she really cared and knew her stuff. I have found that more true about PA’s.

        So I went in to this doctor with my list of meds and my family history…what little I know..and questions. And she came back in the door with my list of meds and everything and sat down next to me and started going through my list of meds with me. So, this is quite a list. I explained everything was on there….my “as needed” and my supplements….everything. She was impressed I included everything and that I knew it made a difference. (GO ME! haha)

        So, she looked at everything, and asked me questions about them all, or just said, so this is for this or that. and I would comment, or ask a question…like, hey you think I can get off of that? Or, oh, I need that refilled.

        I let her know I really don’t like taking so many meds. But it is necessary right now. Boo.

        I asked her, how she felt about prescribing medications for things…if someone comes in is she more likely to prescribe something or suggest an alternative way to solve the issue if there is a way? She said, that depends on the patient. Some patients aren’t going to do anything but take a pill, no matter what else she suggest. Some want to work to get better. I let her know, I’m in the later. I want to work with her to get better, not just take a pill. I believe it takes a doctor a patient working together. She liked my attitude and I liked her. she is young..and pregnant with her 3rd child….she looks to young to have 3 kids.

        So I was happy with her. She noticed I had hair on my back and sent me to have my thyroid checked. I haven’t had my thyroid checked since June, I have hypothyroidism. I also have rosacea. but it’s minor. I decided not to do anything about it, it’s minor and it won’t hurt anything. A little make up covers it. I don’t want more meds I don’t really need, it would just be for vanity.

        So, I think I’m going to like her. So far it looks like she has the same kind of outlook I do. Of course, you really don’t know until you have been to a doctor when you don’t feel good, you know?

        She also gave me referrals to a pulmonologist and psych doctor. I really liked my last psych doctor, she is like yours. She knows her stuff. I hope my next one does. I have had one that I’m not afraid to say deserves the “M” word too.

        Oh another long comment….should probably have been an email or something…haha.
        I have written a lot of the post I was talking about. I just need to get it posted. duh.

        writing comments are easier. I was mostly a comment before.

        you are so great!!
        xoxo w


        • wendy says:

          Look it let me comment on the first try! and I was ready this time, I copied the comment just in case. hahaha
          just had to say something about it. *snicker*


        • THANKS!

          #1 – Not to worry. I love long comments – developed thoughts. Soundbites, not so much (tho’ I AM grateful for ALL feedback, whatever the length).

          I don’t like long emails (or ANY emails, actually), simply because, since Qualcom released Eudora into public domain and developers ruined it, I haven’t found an email client that does for me what Eudora USED to do (for “power users” anyway). I used to run my LIFE from email – for YEARS, but now email makes me crazy. I need unlimited, sophisticated boolean filters to sort things specifically, or I’m completely overwhelmed by the eglut (marketing – grrrrr!)

          Your new doctor sounds wonderful.
          I like that she referred other docs – they are probably like her, or she wouldn’t have suggested them. Ask her at your *next* appt. for a referral to someone “as wonderful as she is” to take her place while she has to take time off to have her baby. One of my best therapists never returned from pregnancy leave, and I didn’t find another good one for some time following.

          Another thing we have in common: I suffered rosacea for YEARS (and jumped a stage on Metrogel) – but, on the advice of my great NYC dermo, a combo of topical steroids and antibiotics actually seems to have knocked it into permanent remission (knock wood). I haven’t had an outbreak for almost a decade. My triggers were stress and (mostly) lack of sleep – both of which have escalated in the last few years, but the rosacea hasn’t returned.

          I know you don’t want to take ANY more meds, but I mention this simply to plant the seed that rosacea isn’t necessarily “permanent.” I also suspect an estrogen component – as with adult acne. I’m far enough out from menopause that I imagine my fat cells have been depleted of estrogen stores. (HATE the misinterpretation of the estrogen replacement studies when first done – I missed my window as a result, and now have no intention of risking stroke for nicer skin, etc!)

          LOVE hearing from you.

          PS. GREAT that your hubby is in a job he loves – especially in the computer field. I don’t hear that comment very often – and certainly not for his reason!


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